Why Emotions Matter in Team Alignment (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)
What if the emotions we try to avoid at work – frustration, vulnerability, even defensiveness – aren’t obstacles but signals? Signals that, when acknowledged and worked with, can help teams connect more deeply, understand one another better and find practical ways to move forward.
For years, many of us were told to leave our emotions at the door when we came to work. I remember, early in my career, feeling like I had to suppress every instinct to react – whether it was shock, frustration, or excitement. Keeping a neutral expression in meetings felt like a badge of professionalism.
This idea that emotions don’t belong at work is rooted in a school of thought that logic and rationality are all that matter. As one Forbes article put it:
“Work should be a place of logical, rational thought, where you don’t give into emotional thinking. And you certainly don’t display any emotions you do feel to those around you because it’s both not professional and leaves you too vulnerable.”
At the time, I went along with it. If something surprised me, I would save my reaction for later, venting to a trusted friend over a wine. But here’s the thing: pushing emotions aside doesn’t make them go away. As Business Insider points out, suppressing emotions only means they will surface later, often more intensely than before.
So, if ignoring emotions doesn’t work, why would anyone willingly engage in a team alignment process that almost guarantees feelings of frustration, vulnerability, and even resistance?
The emotional challenges of team alignment
Aligned teams have a common understanding of their strategic frame and the path they will take to get there, but the journey isn’t always smooth. At the start, there are often deep areas of misalignment that stem from how people interpret things differently. These interpretations are tied to personal experiences, ingrained beliefs, and differing priorities. That’s why the process of alignment can bring up emotions many people may be tempted to avoid.
However, if key areas of misalignment are not ironed out, people in and around the team will take decisions and actions that don’t always line up, which leads to problems that will undermine their progress.
In an alignment process, the idea is to to end up with agreement on strategic intentions and next actions, but - important to note - there is no need for people to agree on the various perspectives or opinions in between.
How the alignment process works
Here are the steps typically involved:
Focus on misalignment: The team identifies a specific point of tension or conflict to explore together.
Share perspectives: Each person takes 2–3 minutes to explain how they see the situation and why – without interruption.
Seek understanding: The rest of the team asks open, unbiased questions to clarify or find out more, without debating or responding. There’s no need to persuade others to agree with you, or to feel like you
Notice shifts: After hearing everyone’s perspectives, team members reflect on how their views may have adapted or evolved.
Suggest possibilities: Together, the team explores actions they can take to address the issue or areas where external feedback might be needed.
Agree on actions: These ideas are developed into a practical action plan.
Repeat: The team tackles another point of misalignment, following the same steps in regular sessions.
This process sounds simple on paper, but in practice, it can stir up strong feelings. People often struggle with staying silent while listening to viewpoints that clash with their own. Some feel resistance when asked to set aside bias and keep their questions neutral. Hearing a familiar perspective repeated yet again can lead to frustration.
On the other hand, sharing your own perspective can make you feel vulnerable:
What if your ideas are wrong?
What if you reveal something you hadn’t fully thought through?
What if you offend someone?
These challenges are real, but they aren’t signs of failure. They’re part of the process of moving forward.
Why emotions are essential to alignment
The idea that emotions have no place at work is slowly being replaced by something more human: the understanding that emotions are a natural and valuable part of collaboration. This shift owes a lot to thought leaders like Brené Brown, whose work on vulnerability has changed how we think about discomfort. As she puts it:
The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing; it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.
Similarly, emotional development – once considered the domain of therapy or education – is now recognized as essential in professional settings. Skills like self-awareness, emotional regulation, and empathy are becoming cornerstones of effective teamwork.
Why? Because emotions give us insight. They help us notice what feels off, understand our own reactions, and make sense of the dynamics between people.
In team alignment, these emotional signals guide us through difficult conversations, helping us connect with others meaningfully. For example:
Frustration often highlights where something isn’t working or expectations haven’t been met.
Vulnerability opens the door to trust, showing others that it’s okay to share honestly.
Empathy allows us to see the world through someone else’s eyes, bridging divides in understanding.
Instead of being seen as distractions, emotions become part of the foundation for building stronger, more aligned teams.
How alignment leads to engagement
Yes, alignment takes effort, and it’s not always comfortable. But the outcomes make the process worthwhile. When a team commits to listening, reflecting, and working through their misalignments, the benefits can transform how they work together:
Relief: When team members feel truly heard, they no longer have to fight to be understood.
Understanding: Exploring why others see things differently helps shift judgment into empathy.
Ownership: When solutions are created collaboratively, people feel more invested in the outcomes.
Engagement: Aligning mental models creates a sense of clarity and connection to shared goals.
Again - a key point is that alignment isn’t the same as agreement. Teams don’t need to see eye-to-eye on everything; what matters is that they develop clarity about their shared challenges and how they’ll address them together.
The role of leaders in team alignment
Great leaders set the conditions for team alignment. I recently spoke with a leader known for fostering strong alignment in her teams, and here’s what she had to say:
How would you describe the state of team alignment?
For me, an ideal state of team alignment happens when everyone’s on the same page, working toward the same goals and understanding their part in the bigger picture. It takes real effort to balance different personalities, motivations, and the overall team vibe, but when it clicks, it’s worth it.
What one or two things do you do to enable this, as a leader?
I make sure everyone knows the value they bring to the team, whether it’s through public recognition of their achievements or honest, one-on-one performance chats. Giving people a safe space to share their thoughts is non-negotiable, and I tackle tough discussions head-on, they’re essential for building trust and alignment. By being upfront about my own goals and challenges, I create an environment where the team feels supported, safe, and ready to work together.
What advice would you give other team managers and leaders about alignment?
Start by investing time in building trust, people need to feel safe, valued, and heard before you can get everyone aligned. Take the time to get to know what drives each person, be open about goals and challenges, and don't be afraid to tackle tough conversations head-on. Show vulnerability and be real with your team, it sets the tone for genuine collaboration. Alignment isn’t a set-and-forget thing; it’s about staying connected, listening, and adapting as you go. Be self-aware, and know your limitations. Ask for help from your manager or a trusted colleague, and accept that you don't have to know all the answers all the time.
At Mirror Mirror™, we know every team is a complex landscape of unique experiences, viewpoints, and mental models. These differences can lead to misalignment, but when harnessed effectively, they fuel creativity, foster collaboration, and drive growth. That’s why our research-based diagnostic tools reveal where team members are out of sync, and our alignment process guides them to turn these into opportunities.
Are you ready to help your team find clarity and work better together?